Live at Peace

I want to be able to have a relationship with you.  I want to be able to have a relationship with your kids.  I want to be able to speak without being nervous.  I want to be taken at face value.  I don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings.  I don't want to worry that you are taking everything the wrong way.

"Live at peace with everyone."  I can't.  It's just not working.  I so very much want to, but I cannot live at peace with you.  And that makes my heart hurt.

"As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  I've been trying.  And I will keep trying.  To watch my tongue.  To avoid snarkiness.  To keep eye-rolling out of it.  To appreciate where your coming from.  To remind myself that you are fighting battles I know nothing about.  To take a deep breath before I speak.  

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  Thank you Jesus for giving me permission to not succeed.  It's hard for me to wrap my head around the possibility that while you want peace between us and I want peace between us, it just might not be possible right now.  When it feels like my efforts are not appreciated and my attempts are sabotaged, give me the grace to examine my motives, ask forgiveness when necessary, and continue with my head held high, knowing that I am being true to what you are calling me to.  Even though it still doesn't feel good between the two of us.