Healing

I never thought you'd be the one to blow up.  For years now I've been dreading the moment that I full out lost my cool with you.  I envisioned tears, anger, and a whole lot of blame thrown my way.  It was kind of relieving, frankly, that you lost it first.  Almost welcome to get the phone call telling me how wrong I've been all these years, even if it felt like a ridiculous exchange prompted it.  Strangely, I didn't really feel attacked.  Maybe exactly because the final straw was one in which I feel I did no wrong.  Probably because I've already been working on this for months.  And definitely because I could finally say a bit of my piece to someone who wouldn't break down over it and might even find it constructive.

Even though we've only begun the first baby steps toward healing, I feel more freedom than I would have thought I'd ever feel in our relationship.  I don't know how long this will take or whether I will ever fully enjoy your company, but I am curious to see what God can do.

Because I am willing to have Him change me.  If I'm claiming "walk humbly" and "but he gives greater grace" as my mantras for the next while, I need to let them work themselves out in the most difficult relationship I have in my life.  So here we go.