Unnecessary Baby Items

It's been interesting (maybe just to me) the things we don't use, the further along we get in our family.
1.) change table --> We went with a diaper-change-height regular dresser and changed on there for the very beginning and now we just do it on the floor.
2.) high chair --> I like the strap-on booster seat better. It can be taken to a friend's house when necessary and takes up much less space than the high chair
3.) crib --> We opted for a mattress on the floor this time around.  It makes it so much easier to go in and lay down with Lachlan when he's up at night and then sneak away to my own bed.
4.) bumbo seat --> Overpriced and not worth it.  If we hadn't gotten one as a gift I sure wouldn't buy one.  And for all our kids, it made them spit up because it scrunched them so much.
5.) mittens --> Any baby mitten we've tried doesn't stay on. Socks, on the other hand, go up to their elbows under the jacket and work great!
6.) baby bath tub --> We just showered with our babies.  They liked it way better, probably because it's much warmer with the steam.
7.) nursing cover --> Too warm for me and just another thing to fiddle with when breastfeeding.  A little practice and I've become quite comfortable nursing uncovered any old place.

Also, these two are very useful, but for a relatively short period of time.  They are great to borrow, if possible.
8.) play mat --> We used it from 3 months to 6 months.  Once they were sitting, they weren't really interested in lying down and would knock it over if seated.
9.) exersaucer --> We used it from 4 months to 9 months.  Once they were crawling they wanted out.  Plus it's big and hides out in the basement.

Kid Devos

I'm suddenly motivated to start having Niko do devotions.  I saw the idea for a Bible basket in Thriving Family and it seems like a good place to start.  So I'm compiling all of the Bible story books we have so they have options.  Maybe we'll start next week by doing 5 minutes of Bible "reading" solo and then read and talk about it together.

Over the next few months, I think it'd be cool if he could choose one or two options from a bunch of devotion-time activities:
- reading Bible stories
- listening  to worship music
- drawing thank-you-Jesus prayers
- scripture memory (with clipart or audio recording)
- acting out Bible stories with paper figures
- praying for a friend/relative/contact in need

In a few years,  we could add things like:
- prayer journalling
- devotion books
- coming up with questions for the family out of your reading
- rewriting a story from one character's perspective
- audio devos online
- Bible verse art
- roll-the-dice journal questions

Things Niko are going to need to know:
- this is time spent with God
- this is time not talking to anybody else
- this is time that helps us get our hearts calmed and focussed
- that God might say something back to him in his heart
- that he can tell God anything he wants

Still wondering:
- Should I call it devotions or something else?
- Is he ready to do this on his own?
- What time of day is best?

This could be really cool!  Thank you for the inspiration, Lord.  Please grow the seeds we are sowing.

Zooming Out on Success

Success today means general happiness.  Boys getting along decently.  Me not hollering and not needing to holler.  A workout.  Devotions.  Supper started before 4:30.  Some downtime on the computer.  A good talk with Bernie.  Substantially more positive interactions with the kids than negative ones.

Success this week means some memorable highlights.  A great phone conversation with Laura or Alison.  A playdate with Tania or Kris.  A fun family time.  Laundry.  An effective tutoring session.  A block of time for me - maybe a drum circle, a massage, or worship team.  Clean floors, bathrooms, and kitchen.  Lots of touches and some laughs.  

Success this month means progress.  Improved kid-behavior.  Larger kid-vocabularies.  More regular workouts.  More regular devotions.  A new recipe.  Gained independence.  A date.  An outing like swimming, the children's museum, the library, or Kid City.  Reaching out.  Growth in self-awareness and humility.

Success this year means exposure.  Trying new foods and new activities.  Letting the kids experience canoeing, camping, tobogganing, and skating.  Gaining confidence in my body and my gifts.  Owning my nerdy hobbies.  Making sure I am more than "just" a mom.  Reclaiming things I love.  Knowing success does not depend on me.

More Than a Playgroup

Thank you, Jesus, for my circle of moms.  Thank you that they listen to my joys and to my sorrows.  Thank you that they rejoice with me and commiserate with me.  Thank you that they support and love me.  Thank you that they provide me with fresh perspective and innovative ideas.  Thank you that they see value in my children.  Thank you that they are accessible and willing to share their lives.  Thank you that I don't have to do this alone.
Thank you for Melani.
Thank you for RuthAnn.
Thank you for Sylvia.
Thank you for Moni.
I'm very much looking forward to our evening out together without kids.

Mind the Gap

The thing with having multiple children in a family is that they are different.  No really, eh?  But that has a substantial impact on how I deal with them.  Sometimes a good impact, sometimes a bad impact.  Mostly I just feel like I need to be aware of the differences between them and how that affects my attitude toward them and my relationship with them.

I noticed this over the last few days with Bethany and Hunter.  Both awesome kids, both created in the image of God, both loved and valued for who they are.  And very different from each other.  As the "parent", it was really obvious that a major difference is in their response to being asked to do things.

When I asked Bethany if she wanted to do some of her homework, she took my asking as a suggestion and pleasantly agreed that she would do a journal entry as soon as she finished making a bracelet.  Ten minutes later, with no further prompting, she was sitting at the table working away.

When I asked Hunter if he could please get dressed, he appeared not to hear me.  He didn't make eye contact or respond in any way.  When I asked him to slow down and look at me, he still didn't respond to my question.  When I sent him downstairs to choose a shirt and pants, he took off running only to get caught up in play in the basement.  He wasn't really deliberately rude, just completely preoccupied with his own agenda and conveniently oblivious to mine.  He never did get dressed until I threw his clothes into the bathroom, took his hand and guided him in there, and closed the door.

So I imagine that parenting two kids whose responses and response time are so vastly different can be hard.  They are not just different, clearly one behavior is more desirable as the parent.  It would be difficult, but important, to not let the fact that you've got one really low-maintenance kid affect how you deal with the higher maintenance one.  A bit idealistic, but necessary, I think.  Expectations should be present, but living up to his sister in that area should not be the goal.  And he's also got to know that there are things he's awesome at; that he's not a disappointment in any way.

Looking at my own kids, their listening skills are about at the same level.  But it's very obvious that Emerson is naturally funnier than Niko.  He is just silly and goofy in so many ways.  He hilarious without even trying.  Adults get such a kick out of him - the entertainer.

Yet when Niko does some of the exact same things, he's seen as obnoxious or annoying and sometimes we even scold him.  Because he's older.  Because he's louder.  Because he's bigger.  Because he's wilder.  But the becauses don't really matter.  We need to be aware of the area in which one is strong and one is weaker and have reasonable, attainable expectations.  And he's also got to know that there are things he's awesome at; that he's not a disappointment in any way.

Niko needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of
him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.

Emerson needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.

Lachlan needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.

Six is a Lot

We've had Bethany, Hunter, and Anderson for two nights and parts of three days.  And it turns out, not at all surprisingly, that six kids is a lot.  But also, six kids is not that bad.  It has been fun.  The multi-tasker in me has enjoyed being on top of
who still needs to change
which 2-year-old last peed when
whose boots are where
who is due for a bath
where those socks were left
how long Bethany has read
whose hands are still sticky
who picked the movie yesterday
who likes their food all separate
which homework still needs to be done
etc
Bernie has been a really good sport and support.  Barring any major disasters in the next few hours, I think we'd do this again if they asked.  And as far as not-my-kids are concerned, B, H & A are really great.  :)  I'm glad we could do this for Andrew and Alison.  I love that we can be generous in this way.

Niko's Sensitive Soul

"Mommy, I love you too much," he says as he tries to let go of me and head to preschool.  Every separation is so hard for him.  Sometimes I roll my eyes, but I also find it his sensitive soul precious to no end.

On the outside, you would never notice N's sensitivity.  He's rough-and-tumble, rowdy, reckless, and rambunctious.  He loves to wrestle with H, play chase with E, roughhouse with Daddy, learn any sport, play until he's sweaty, and tumble in the grass.  But hiding underneath that all-boy exterior, he's a softy.

When we leave him with a babysitter, N hugs both Bernie and I at least three times each.
While he is playing with E, he will often lean over to give "Emmy" a headlock-style hug and kiss.
If he's the first one to hear L wake up he will go in and lay down beside "Lachie-bear" and hold his hands.
He will randomly look at me across the table and say "I love you."
He seeks our approval and is so proud to show us his accomplishments.
He breaks down in tears of sadness far more often than those of anger.
He cannot handle an antagonist in a book or movie and gets very concerned when they are deliberately mean.
He built the Lego set we got him for his birthday, but wouldn't take the robbers that went with the motorcycle out of the package.

Thank you, Jesus, for entrusting me with this gentle spirit.  May I show him that this part of him is from you and that he need never be ashamed of it.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. - Philippians 4:5

Stop Talking

Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak.  (James 1:19)

That needs to be my approach with her.  I need to take deep breaths.  Maybe wiggle my toes a few times.  As soon as I get my defensive guard up, I am on her level - a place I very much do not want to be.  I actually don't really need to care what her opinion is.  I don't even need to care what her opinion of my opinion is.  I don't even need to care that she has an opinion of my opinion.  I can not engage.  She can't do battle with someone who is unarmed.  If it was anyone else, I'd be so much better at this.

If I picture her saying something I find ridiculous, what's my response?  Deep breath.  Silence.  Listen.  Try to hear what is behind it.  The fear, the insecurity, the background of issues I know nothing about.  Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  So I will focus not on what the mouth speaks, but on what might be in the heart that makes the mouth say such things.  A little bit of empathy will go a long way.

But first I need to slow down.
Listen to the words.
Listen to the heart.
And most of all, stop talking.

Missing my Marriage

I need to be careful.  Time seems to be going faster and faster.  While I think I savour the time with the kids well enough, I worry that I am missing out on my own marriage.  I'm dangerously good at putting my head down and pushing through.  When things get tough, I take a deep breath, plod on, focus getting the job done, and look forward to when I don't need a diaper bag, when we're all sleeping through the night, when my kids don't take off in the mall, when Bernie and I have the time to play tennis and the ability to go for a walk at 10pm.

But some of those things are a long way in the future and it would be risky and sad to not be present in my marriage now.  I love Bernie so much.  We have some good laughs, great times, and deep connections.  But we also do a lot of working side by side just to get through.  There are quite a few tough times with a sensitive 4-year-old, goofy 2-year-old, and sleepless 8-month-old.  Not gonna lie, parenting three littles is a lot of work.  And my tendency lately is to put my head down and do my best at the parenting day after day with not a lot of regard for myself or my marriage.

Theoretically, my relationship with Bernie should come before my kids.  But I don't even know how that is supposed to look in practice.  At the same time, even if I can survive with less out of my marriage for a time, I don't want to.  I don't want to put it on hold until some point (probably one that is a fantasy) when things settle down and are easier.  So even if I could survive, I'd rather pause and be present with my husband more.  If I want us to thrive, I can't keep giving him the bottom of the barrel.  It's not fair to him and it's not fair to me.

I don't want to miss the next 5 years of my marriage.  I want them to be awesome.  And it's going to have to be intentional.

Today I will leave Bernie a note in the shower.
Tomorrow I will thank him for the work he does to provide for us.
This weekend I will rub his shoulders.

Calling Someone Out

That was a difficult email to write and a bit of a scary email to send.  I feel that it was necessary, because Randy deserves better from his small group.  But it's hard to tell people I love and care about that they are not acting the way they should be.  Usually I avoid such conversations quite well.  This time, for the sake of Randy, and maybe because I feel some of them could use a bit of a healthy bout of self-examination, I'm going for it.

I'm not sure what I expect to happen next.  I don't know how I would respond.  I hope they sense that I wrote cautiously and with love.  I hope they can avoid getting defensive.  I hope they see the truth in it.  I hope they feel convicted to set up to the challenge.

But none of that is up to me.

God, be present in the hearts, minds, emotions, and inboxes of Erin, Timo, and Angie.  And, should the conversation continue, remind me of how crummy it is to be called out when you do something wrong and you know it.
Greater grace
Greater grace
Greater grace

It's Not You; It's Me

I don't think I was upset that Bernie thought I was not in a good mood.  I think I was upset that he might be right.  Maybe I was too hard on the boys.  Maybe I got a little carried away.  Maybe I am too focused.  Too scheduled.  Too rigid.  Does it matter if they get to bed 10 minutes later?  If they dawdle when clearing their dishes?  Or play with taps instead of brushing their teeth?  Does it have to drive me crazy when they don't listen immediately.

I love that my kids can be efficient.  I love that we've got such helpful routines in place.  It's what keeps me sane.  They are used to hearing instructions and expectations ahead of time and they respond well to knowing what's coming and what their job is.

But maybe I should loosen up.

Why is it that the parts of me that I like and value and make me good at parenting are also the parts of me that are most frustrating?

The Curse of the Multi-Tasker

I feel most fulfilled when I am successfully juggling many things.  I love to plan and organize, especially ahead of time.

Succeeding at multi-tasking was one of my favourite things about classroom teaching.  Sometimes I'd peek into kids' desks to get their name off of a labelled marker and make a seating chart in a classroom I was new to.  I'd go over the lesson plan and simultaneously be learning names of who sat where.  Teaching a lesson, while being on top of what 25 kids were doing felt great.  On a good day, I could whisper a redirect here, tap a shoulder there, keep track of who was in the bathroom, who would need to be caught up when they returned from extra help, sharpen a pencil, pass a kleenex, tie a shoelace, tidy the jackets, go over the next lesson in my head, hand out duotangs, and provide bits of help, all while supervising a math activity.

As a university student, I was confined to a desk, so multi-tasking came in a quieter form.  I could read a novel while following the powerpoint presentation of a lecture.  I regularly listened while doing sudoku puzzles - and even found I could listen better that way.  And I made lists.  I made lists of what homework needed to get done that day (sometimes I did one class' homework during another class' lecture), lists of groceries to be bought, lists of people to be emailed, lists of baby names, and lists of book I wanted to read.

At home, my satisfaction comes from organizing my house and family.  When I can be on the ball enough to be completely organized, know where and when everything is, have necessary items easily accessible and ready to go, prepare exactly what each person in my family needs for a certain event, have clothing washed and laid out, snacks made and packed, a change of clothes along for the newly toilet-trained one, dishes done, house tidy, emails returned, and backpacks ready for the next day, I feel proud and competent.

But sometimes it makes me sad that my brain is busy multi-processing so much at one time.  The curse of thriving on multi-tasking is that I find it nearly impossible to slow down.  It would be nice to be fully engaged in a single thing without worrying about whether the kids are behaving, about whether anyone needs to be taken to the bathroom, about whether I took the chicken out of the freezer, about whether there's a load a laundry sitting in the washer, about when I'll have time to sort through all the clothes that are too small on the kids, about when I'll get around to signing us up for that music class, about when the last time was that I vacuumed downstairs.  None of them are big things, but I would love to be able to pause the multi-tasker for a few hours here and there to just enjoy the moment in its fullness.  I love that part of me, but I also would love a break from it.

To the Fullest

At the lunch table, Niko noticed that Emerson had a huge chunk of jam-covered bread stuck to the bottom of his nose.  He pointed it out to me, began giggling, and then burst into uproariously laughter.  Emerson looked at Niko, touched his own nose, paused for a second, and joined him in third degree guffawing.

And I thought to myself, I wish I could take myself less seriously.  I'm thankful that my life is full of these little people.  Little people who lose themselves completely in the moment.  Emerson is so good at doing everything with all of his being.  He always has been.  He is not shy or self-conscious - unless it is part of a goofy act to get some laughs.  He's passionate.  Focused.  Reckless.  He throws himself all in to every moment.  

While I thrive and even pride myself on multi-tasking, I also envy the ability to dive headlong into one thing, one moment, and live it and only it to the fullest.  

Emerson makes me think of John 10:10.

I came that you might have life - life in all its fullness.

Seems like that might be a good life verse for him.

Lent Search, Part 2

Mark 15: 33 - 16:20
35 verses long

Storyline:
- "Eloi, Eloi..."
- curtain torn
- centurion believes
- Joseph of Arimathea
- women with spices
- angel
- women afraid

Noteworthy lines:
- My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
- Surely this man was the Son of God!
- trembling and bewildered
- Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.
- the disciples went out and preached everywhere and the Lord worked with them

Longer than Matthew by 3 verses.

I think I like Mark better than Matthew.  Mark follows the women's story more.  He also places less emphasis on sealing tomb scene.

Enjoy Winter?

Along with most of Winnipeg, I find myself very much looking forward to summer.  I can't wait to leave the house in under 25 minutes.  To walk somewhere.  To rollerblade somewhere.  To play in the yard.  To head to the park.  To enjoy splash pads and wading pools.  To buy a play structure.

But winter is here is long.  And it's probably not healthy to be dreaming of sunshine and flip-flops already.  I want to be thankful for this season too, and not just grumpily wait for the next.

Lord help me focus on the awesome gift of the toboggan slide that Dad made.  We've already put in some good hours there and I love that we can invite families to come with us as it is such preschooler-friendly tobogganing.

Lord reignite my excitement to teach Niko to skate - something I love so much.  Skating and hockey were a memorable part of my childhood, and I'd love for him to appreciate the ice too.

Lord spark my imagination as I find new games and activities to engage Emerson and Niko here at home.  Help me move from forts and tape-roads to more new and fun things to do.  I need to be open to ideas, even if they take a bit of work or make a bit of mess.

Lord give me a good attitude about getting out of the house and paying for activities.  I know the kids would love SkyZone, Kid City, Great Big Adventure, and the Children's Museum.  I just need the energy and courage to get out regularly and try these things.

I suspect a good attitude toward winter would go a long way.  Which is good, because there is still a long way to go!

Lent Search, Part 1

I loved memorizing the Luke account of Jesus' birth during Advent, so I'm going to try to memorize a crucifixion/resurrection account during Lent.  Now to find the "right" one.

Matthew 27:45 - 28:10
32 verses long

Storyline:
- "Eloi, Eloi..."
- curtain torn
- many resurrected
- earthquake
- centurion believes
- Joseph of Arimathea
- sealing the tomb
- Mary and Mary M
- angel
- Jesus appears

Noteworthy lines:
- My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
- Surely he was the Son of God.
- Suddenly Jesus met them.
- They came to him, clasped his feet, and worshiped him.

Whichever gospel account I choose, I look forward to memorizing more of the word and seeing it take root in my heart.

Psalm 8 with Significant Poetic Licence Taken

Psalm 8, because Lachlan will be 8 months old tomorrow.

O Lord, our Lord, 

how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory above the heavens.  

From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise, 

to silence the grumpy and prod the lazy.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, 

the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 

what am I 

that you are mindful of me?

Yet 

you have crowned me with blessing after blessing.  

You made me the mother of three;
three of the precious works of your hands.
I will praise your name in all the earth.

Thank you that they are each a unique creation of yours, 

fearfully and wonderfully made.  

I praise you 

for how Lachlan is growing and learning, 

almost sneakily, 

as we wake up to find he can do more things each day.  

As he reaches milestones like getting teeth, eating solids, sitting, 

interacting, rolling every which way, standing, and trying to crawl, 

do not ever let me forget 

that my role to teach him about you 

is so much more important than teaching him physical things.

I need grace for the moment 

and greater grace every hour, 

as a try to parent as you would have me parent.  

O Lord, 

our Lord, 

how majestic is 

your name in all the earth!

Preschool

A spot opened up in the preschool we are going to sign Niko up for in fall, so he's going to be joining the class this week until the end of May.  I think he's going to love it, but he's nervous.  And so am I.
I hope he listens and obeys his teachers.
I hope he is kind, caring, and respectful.
I hope he responds to teaching and correction.
I hope the kids like him.
I hope he makes good friends.
I hope he is willing to try things.
I hope he will be brave.
I hope he will make good choices.
I hope he tells me about his day.
I hope he learns a lot.
I hope he likes learning.
I hope he gains confidence.
I hope he grows in independence.
I hope I am ready to let go.
I hope I have taught him enough.
I hope I have taught him well.

Sucker for Punishment

Every muscle in my body is sore.  Getting up hurts.  I can't lower myself into sitting position, so I just collapse backwards onto the chair.  Stairs are killer.  My poor quads.  And hamstrings.  And gluts.  Thank you Jillian Michaels.  Of course, it's my own fault for not doing a thing for three months.

I'm on day 3 of "Ripped in 30".  I hope to be able to do 30 days of workouts in about 35 days.  And I hope to look different around the middle by that time.  That part is only partially in my control.

The part I know will happen, because it's already happening, is that I will feel better.  I feel better about my body, my attitude, my parenting, my relationships, my faith, all of me.  People who don't exercise are not just missing out on better health and fitness, they are missing out on a better outlook on life.

People are always surprised that I hate biking, in light of what my dad does.  I sometimes feel like I'm the only one of my dad's kids that doesn't gravitate toward long-distance, extreme, bigger-and-better, faster-and-stronger sports endeavours.  But I think I did inherit some of his discipline.  When I decide to do something, I follow through.  And I thank my dad for that.

So it really really hurts (think "Charlie bit me"), but it feels really really good too.

Acknowledge Him in All Your Ways

It is fairly easy to shout God's praise during the mountaintop periods of my life.  And it is fairly intuitive to cling to his comfort for all I am worth in the valleys.  How do I acknowledge him in the 'prairies'?  I want to see him or feel him or know he is there in the mundane, monotonous, and exceedingly average days.

How Careful Should I Be?

Whatever I choose, it doesn't feel right.  Whatever I choose, it makes me feel tense and uncomfortable.  Whatever I choose, you'll probably still get hurt.

While I am thankful that you shared about your own struggles with your opinionated yet sensitive personality, it puts a burden on me that I don't know how to deal with.  Most times, I will bite my tongue.  I'll avoid the discussions.  I might inwardly roll eyes, but I will work really hard on my attitude.  I'll  respect your decisions, even when I find them frustrating.  I'll let you think what you want to think about my opinions.  I'll do my best not to hurt you.

But I'm scared of the other times.  Because if I slip one time, I fear I'll really slip.  I don't want to hurt you, but I'm scared that I might.  I don't want to offend you, yet sometimes it's so hard.  I fear the moment of the perfect storm.  The moment when I feel like I can't just let you treat me this way.  The moment when I feel like I can't just let your son act this way.  The moment when I don't care that it will hurt you, because it seems like you need to be hurt to see what you are doing.  That it doesn't matter how much thought you've put into every single decision, that it doesn't matter how right how think you are, something is wrong with this situation.  And in that perfect storm, I might not bite my tongue.

I don't know whether to hope that moment will never come.  Or to hope it will just come and we'll get it over with.

The biggest question, is whether we'd survive it.

I'm sad that this is the place we're in.

Overlapping

I met Alison because our husbands are cousins.  When we first met I wasn't sure we'd ever connect, but she has grown and I have grown and children have entered the scene and 9 years later she is one of my closest friends.

I met Amy because our families signed up for the same music class last spring.  Her son and Niko hit it off right away.  We have a lot in common in terms of our childhoods and our outdoor/athletic interests.  We're still getting to know one another.

I met Sylvia when we were teaching at the same school five years ago.  I suspected right away that we would get along, but we didn't really talk much until she came to our playgroup at church.  She is someone I call when I need my attitude challenged.

I met Brenda as a kid, I suppose, since she is my cousin-in-law.  But now that she has a daughter Niko's age, we have been deliberately getting together.  I am getting to know her as an adult and turn a family relationship into a friendship.

I met Kris by shouting across our new street this fall.  She offers a very different perspective in many things and a nice comfort for me to have another mom right across the street.

I met Tania when my childhood friend started dating her.  Our friendship has gone from email to phone to visits to playdates as we've entered many stages at the same time.

6 different women, representing 6 of Niko's buddies.  All from different circles, connections, and communities.  All here this morning to celebrate Niko turning four.  I am so thankful that Niko has good friends already. Each one unique in interests and abilities.  Each one with parents know and respect.  All connected for different reasons and in different circumstances.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Today's village may not have the same geography it once did, but it is a village nonetheless - bound by overlapping lives of chance, good fortune, and divine orchestration.

Seeds

Having not been on Facebook in a while, I was "checking in" on my youth (now 21 years old) the other evening.  Britany's page gave the impression she was pregnant.  A quick message of "hey what's new" revealed that she is 24 weeks pregnant.  It was very cool that she was willing to chat that evening - one of the few times that all the kids were asleep and Bernie was out and I had nothing but time.

Our conversation drifted through pregnancy, babies, names, job, house, boyfriend, and settled on God.  It made me remember two things.

First of all, you really never know what will become of the gospel seeds you plant.  Britany was resistant all through my youth encounters with her.  Happy one minute, brooding the next, very chatty, excitable, friendly, but completely quiet when discussions actually got serious.  If she ever was willing to talk, it was to say that she wasn't sure what she believed.  So, as much as I tried to connect with her and guide her toward God, I always felt like she was desperately clinging to surface-level stuff, both feet still on the dock, never ready to just jump in and let it take over.  Maybe the odd toe dangling in the water, but only to snatch it back out the next day.

Now, the seeds planted by myself and many others haven't sprung up into anything gigantic just yet, but they seem to have taken root.  They are most certainly still there, making her think and wonder and not quite be able to let go of the fact that she knows there is something more.  3 years later.  That's a blessing to see.

The other thing, is that once you have the role of youth leader in someone's life, it seems like you forever have the right to ask the tough questions.  And they will answer.  It doesn't matter that we haven't talked in 3 years, when we do I can ask "How are things with you and God?" and she will be honest.  She's not the first either.  I guess it's the role I have in her life.  Which is awesome, because you never know that anyone else is asking those questions.  So it just reminds me to have the courage to ask.  Someone might just be waiting for me to break the ice so they can share what is really going on and what really matters.

And if they don't want to talk, well maybe it's another seed planted for another time.  Everything builds on something.

Thank you, Great Gardener!

Gifts

This vacation has been so wonderful.  We've been struggling so much with Niko lately, that it's been great to have this time to enjoy him.  Of course we didn't leave all the behavior issues at home, but we've also seen so much awesome in him!

One thing that has been quite amazing is how many times Emerson and Niko have turned to us and thanked us for something about the trip.  Unprompted and heartfelt thank-you's.  They have really enjoyed themselves.  We've heard "I don't ever never want to leave this place" a lot in the past few days.  Watching them take in each new surrounding and just light up has refreshed my heart.

The boys' goofiness has also made us laugh a lot.  My favourite lines of the trip:
Niko - "Excuse me Mom, when can we goof off?"
Emerson to the border guard - "We're going to Minneapowis....<pause>...He's not yistening to me."

It's also been increasingly obvious that we are so blessed by Lachlan.  He's so peaceful and happy to just be along for the ride.  He sleeps on command, eats whatever we put in front of him, endures fairly well in his carseat, and tolerates so many love-tackles in from his brothers.  What a great third kid!  I feel like he couldn't fit into our family life better.

And Bernie.  The more time I spend with him, the more I am reminded of what great friends we are.  I just love hanging out with him.  Holding hands and walking through the mall.  Discovering our kids as they discover together.  Watching "Lost" in the hotel hallway.  Driving miles and miles of highway.  He is my match in so many ways.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.  2 Corinthians 9:15