The thing with having multiple children in a family is that they are different. No really, eh? But that has a substantial impact on how I deal with them. Sometimes a good impact, sometimes a bad impact. Mostly I just feel like I need to be aware of the differences between them and how that affects my attitude toward them and my relationship with them.
I noticed this over the last few days with Bethany and Hunter. Both awesome kids, both created in the image of God, both loved and valued for who they are. And very different from each other. As the "parent", it was really obvious that a major difference is in their response to being asked to do things.
When I asked Bethany if she wanted to do some of her homework, she took my asking as a suggestion and pleasantly agreed that she would do a journal entry as soon as she finished making a bracelet. Ten minutes later, with no further prompting, she was sitting at the table working away.
When I asked Hunter if he could please get dressed, he appeared not to hear me. He didn't make eye contact or respond in any way. When I asked him to slow down and look at me, he still didn't respond to my question. When I sent him downstairs to choose a shirt and pants, he took off running only to get caught up in play in the basement. He wasn't really deliberately rude, just completely preoccupied with his own agenda and conveniently oblivious to mine. He never did get dressed until I threw his clothes into the bathroom, took his hand and guided him in there, and closed the door.
So I imagine that parenting two kids whose responses and response time are so vastly different can be hard. They are not just different, clearly one behavior is more desirable as the parent. It would be difficult, but important, to not let the fact that you've got one really low-maintenance kid affect how you deal with the higher maintenance one. A bit idealistic, but necessary, I think. Expectations should be present, but living up to his sister in that area should not be the goal. And he's also got to know that there are things he's awesome at; that he's not a disappointment in any way.
Looking at my own kids, their listening skills are about at the same level. But it's very obvious that Emerson is naturally funnier than Niko. He is just silly and goofy in so many ways. He hilarious without even trying. Adults get such a kick out of him - the entertainer.
Yet when Niko does some of the exact same things, he's seen as obnoxious or annoying and sometimes we even scold him. Because he's older. Because he's louder. Because he's bigger. Because he's wilder. But the becauses don't really matter. We need to be aware of the area in which one is strong and one is weaker and have reasonable, attainable expectations. And he's also got to know that there are things he's awesome at; that he's not a disappointment in any way.
Niko needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of
him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.
Emerson needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.
Lachlan needs to know that I love him for exactly who he is, enjoy watching him use his strengths, am proud of him for working to learn and grow, and will always be willing to help him with his weaknesses.
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