Lion (Psalm 29:4 and 34:11)

After we passed camels came their moment of choice.  Both kids had been adamant that they did not want to see the lions or tigers, but in that moment there was still hesitation.  Allure was almost enough to overcome fear, so we cautiously walked just enough around the corner to see them from a safe distance and then quickly retreated to follow the other path around - past wild horses, sea eagles and to mountain goats.  And that's when we heard him.  At first, it was almost like rumbling of a stomach, and I thought they might not even notice.  But seconds later it picked up volume and intensity a bit.  Lion was roaring.  I could just make out the outline of his body through chain-link of multiple enclosures between us.  He was horizontal on his perch, one paw elevating his head and chest a little.  Relaxed, in disposition.  This was probably his inside-voice.  Even as I steadied them with my arm around their shoulders, kids' nervousness was catching as I found my pulse speeding up.  Mesmerized by powerful voice, my heart knew allure and fear in equal proportion.

Captivate me, Lion of Judah.  

Four

"I have four," he said.

"Me too," I replied, feeling foolish the moment the words left my lips.

Because I don't, and yet Four lives always in the shadows on the edge of my daily chaos.  More real than I give it credit for.

Selah (Psalm 119:50)

I can't I must I check I help I ask I try I pray I miss I text I remember I hurt I laugh I call I wonder I cry I want I should I know I don't

Selah.

I lift I bake I sweep I dress I clean I play I carry I prepare I tidy I soothe I mend I read I sing I build I sort I vacuum I dance I wipe I chase I love I don't

Selah.

I layer I tie I load I buckle I hurry I drive I walk I drop-off I pick-up I hug I wave I go I shop I move I don't

Selah.

I read I listen I watch I type I learn I check I reply I play I peruse I poke I relax I toggle I plan I reflect I don't

Selah.

Give me cause to pause amidst it all this day, my Lord.  You are the One whose word gives life and I am the one who needs to abide in that life.  May I find praising in the raising of littles.  May my roots grow deep in this house I keep.  May my soul alone be fed by You who bled.

Another Wrinkle (Psalm 37:4)

Another one is hurting with wounds not quickly healed and relationships not easily repaired.  Another day of battles in a war we don't want to be fighting.  Another baby lost and another empty spot in the family Christmas photo.  Another diagnosis and another hurdle in the journey to freedom.  

Always another wrinkle in the unraveling fabric of my world.  I stretch my toes beneath it, cautiously enjoying my own comforts.  Blessings tucked on either side, soft snoring reassures.  My head rests on my pillow though my mind is anything but restful.  

He is many things this day, but He is not my delight because my delight is absent.  

Wonders (Psalm 77:14)

You are the God who does wonders.  Psalm 77:14

Resisting the urge to tack anything on to this truth is harder than I thought.  You are the God who does wonders, now could you please do a wonder in him, the one who plagues quietly and interrupts loudly.  Or in her, the one who opens for a moment only to shut down and shut up and shut out.  Or in us, the ones wondering and waiting without the weight of wonder.  Or in them, who love to be difficult and are difficult to love.

Lord, I want to practice adoring You for the truth of who You are.  You are the God who does wonders.  One day my heart will be able to sing the words to You in praise that is about You and not me.  I want to tune my eyes and ears and heart and thanks to see the wonders You are doing, instead of pleading that You do the ones I think I want.  Lord, may I become less so that You may become greater.

Searcher (Psalm 53:2)

Hands busied with scrubbing twenty-four cups of the muffin tin, eyes catch sight of my Bible on the window ledge and breath catches in my throat as I remember the One I am ashamed to have forgotten again.  Him.  God of the Bible, God of the universe.  God of my day, my weak and flighty heart longs to know more of You.  You are the One who searches for those who seek Him.  Crusted bit of cornbread muffin giving way from the pan, words of the Psalmist becoming mine.  You look down from heaven to see if there are any who seek You.  I read and pause and repeat, knowing there is truth, wondering if it will be my truth today.


Muffin tin clean, I move on to mixing bowls and barely start a thought.  If You are searching for those who seek You, then you aren't smugly keeping a tally of my wrongs.  You aren't orchestrating events good or terrible.  You aren't sitting back, leaving the ball in my court.  You are active, interested, invested.  The lost sheep, lost coin, lost son are not lost on me.  You are searcher.

Mixing bowls clatter as they are abandoned for buttons and zippers and rubber boots.  There is muddy terrain to be explored.  This moment is gone, but His words follow me down soggy sidewalks.  Dump trucks jounce over snow and through mud-caked grass in full spring mode.  Two little hands and four little feet pull the little blue wagon and He pulls me back in once more.  He is searcher and every search has an objective.  His is the faintest hint of heaven-turned face, heaven-stretched hands, heaven-cast eyes.  He searches for signs of a thirsty soul that will receive His Cascading Greater.  Lord, may it be me.

Sigh (Psalm 38:9)

Boot-print-shaped sighs trudge through living room 

before sanity strikes and traipses back the long way again

Mud-caked truck treads roll over sighing carpet fibres 

who see another day of moderately effective scrubbing 

Trail of drips and drops lead mockingly 

to near-flooded grey-brown soupy sink 

that sighs as it tries to drain

Where their trying makes things messier

Or my trying makes things messier

Bible in hand, diapers checked along the way

almost to the window spot when I am caught

And I sigh

And He sees

Flashing cursor taunts me from blank page and I am humbled.  I have as little to say as everyone else, but our silence speaks volumes.  Is there are word for the disappointed and ashamed sadness that yearns to delight?

Strengthen (Psalm 27:14)

In my ability to love
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my capacity for compassion
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my weakness of resolve
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my wandering whims
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my doubts and disasters
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my heav'n-turned glimpses
Lord, strengthen my heart
In my giddy thanksgiving
Lord, strengthen my heart
In Your grace and Your mercy
Lord, strengthen my heart

Upheld (Psalm 71:6)

By You I have been upheld from birth and I don't even know any other way.  My heritage of faith led me up and over and through before I even knew there was another way.  David and Moses and Paul and Jesus are so engrained I couldn't take off these lenses if I tried.  Prayers spoken and prayers answered are what I know.  Doubts relinquished and burdens unloaded are how I get by.  Thanks spied and praises sung are how I thrive.  Blessings accepted and gifts regifted is my simple offering.  Knees bent and arms high is how I want to live.  By You I have been upheld from birth.  My praise shall be continually of You.  

Beautify (Psalm 149:4)

You know who He doesn't beautify?  He doesn't beautify those who bite their tongues or silently seethe.  He doesn't beautify those who pay lip service to a trajectory their heart is not on.  He doesn't beautify those who are on guard and on edge.  He doesn't beautify those who are biding humble time so that their righteous anger is warranted.  He doesn't beautify the smug, self-centred, pious, hypocritical, superior, or sanctimonious.

You are the God who beautifies me in those precious moments when I am at the centre of the explosive torrent of Your love.  In its overwhelming I-cannot-breathe-it's-just-so-much way of making me see my place as the most upside-down Greater-Humble, beauty finds me, reminds me, and defines me.