Fine

One day I will need to make money again.  And one day I will want to work again.

But I just can't wrap my head around teaching.  A full-time job intimidates the snot out of me.  I'm not sure if/how my family would survive.  And it certainly wouldn't be healthy for us in the near future.  Substitute teaching could work and I think it would be fine.  I don't dislike it, and sometimes I even like it.  I'm fine at it, maybe even bordering on good.  :)  The hours are fine and if I could get into the kids' school it would actually work quite well.

But, the memories of Lindsay and Alex and Emily and Josh and Marshall.  Sigh.  I miss my work with kids who have special needs.  I miss reading all about disabilities, memorizing the ins and outs of the theory, meeting the kids, learning what makes them tick, letting them teach me, picking their parents' brains, anticipating their needs, building relationships with them, helping them be successful, loving them and their families.  Man, I felt so alive.

I'd almost forgotten.

Last week, a friend told me a story of doing respite with a young woman who has Down Syndrome and going with her to a work dinner.  I was totally into it.  Unnaturally so!  I cared about the guy who couldn't cut up his chicken, the one who couldn't find his way back from the bathroom, and the one who was too nervous to dance.

My heart beats a bit faster when I think about that work and my skin tingles when I recall certain stories.

I want to find a place to work with people who have special needs at a time and in a way that brings in an income and allows me the time I need with my kids and my husband.

I want to be at the center of God's calling on my life.  I feel like classroom teaching would be just missing the target.  It would be 'fine', but long-term?  Long-term I'm not interested in fine.