Trust and God's Story

Of all the things to put my trust in, putting it in You seems most logical.  I want to stop taking back 'control'.  Of course, it's not really control I'm taking back, just the imaginary feeling of it.  But knowing I don't and can't ever have control, doesn't seem to stop me from pretending I do.  Having ideas.  Making plans.  Dreaming and scheming.  Good things, but my things.  On my terms, in my ways, with my timing.  To be counted as my accomplishments if I succeed.  And to be hidden as my failures if I do not.  Or perhaps, at best, to be learned from and improved upon as my lessons if I do not.  But even still, it's all so self-centered.  So natural, yet so very much missing the point.

God is weaving an incredible story in and through those who are willing to keep in step with His Spirit at work around them.  I want to be one of them.  I don't want to miss anything.  I don't want to walk right past an opportunity to be involved in God's story because I was preoccupied with my own selfish stuff.

Besides, my stuff is so pale and limp and lame compared to His.  I know how much God loves me, and I put my trust in His love.  The place where I couldn't be safer.  The place where my ideas and passions and dreams will be of Him.  The place where he can mold and shape the big hopes and the hidden corners of me.  Daily.   Hourly.  So that there is no 'my things' outside of Him, because 'my things' are already smack in the middle of Him.

God, the story of You and us is amazing and tumultuous and devastating and elating and suspenseful and altogether Yours.  Thank you for the intimacy you share with us, Your created.  Thank you for inviting me into the story even as You inspire me with it.  Thank you for what makes me uniquely me.  Lord, I want to find myself in You and You alone.  I want to trust in You and You alone.  The words I want to say are words I am scared-silly to say: Make me humble, make me dependent, make me only Yours.