I have it so good. My husband is amazing and caring and we enjoy each other so much. My kids are healthy and brilliant and hilarious and handsome and fun. Our house feels just right for us and is allowing us to do so much for us and for others. The friends I have right now know the real me and love me as I am. I have time and energy to recognize my passions and opportunities to live them out. My circumstances have their challenges here and there but, for the most part, I am living an easy and easy-to-say-blessed life.
And yet God declares that He fills my heart with greater joy than the most wonderful of circumstances. My heart's joy is fickle. I want it to be His Greater Joy, but I fear it isn't. At all. I know and rely on His love in the easy. Because it is easy. Or at least I did yesterday. It is so easy to forget.
Lord, give me roots in Your Greater Joy for the long haul. To know and rely on Your love in the hard. Because it will be hard. All around me is hard. I barely finish typing the word 'hard' and another email arrives bearing someone else's bad news. That's five in the last two weeks. Four little souls gone way before their time and one more hanging in the balance. Five enormous spheres of influence pierced with the hardest of hards.
It could be me.
I want to believe that I would still believe.
But all I can do for now is behold the beauty of the Lord. Day in and day out. Breath in and breath out. I will seek Him, that I may dwell in His house and behold His beauty. Adoring him each moment, I am becoming what I behold.
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