Pondering 'greater'

The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
from 1 John 4:4
The Lord is greater than all other gods
from Exodus 18:11
for there is a greater power with us than with him
2 Chronicles 32:7
for God is greater than any mortal
from Job 33:12
I know that the Lord is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods.
Psalm 135:5
You will see greater things than that.
from John 1:50
He must become greater, I must become less.
John 3:30
My father...is greater than all
from John 10:29
they will do even greater things than these
from John 14:12
Greater love has one man than this; that he lay down his life for his friend's.
John 15:13
We know that God is greater than our hearts
from 1 John 3:20
But He gives greater grace
from James 4:6

Some more Luke 1:34

It's always back to the same 'how?" for me.  All the other 'how?'s we can handle, but this one...this one is as insurmountable as ever.  Nothing I can do or say will change it.  In fact saying something will make overcoming this obstacle less likely or even devastating.  Because this 'how?' is first of all, integral to the next step.  This 'how?' is humanly impossible and illogical.  And thereby essential and divine.  This 'how?' is what makes this thing God's and God's alone.

Luke 1:34

In the waiting, there are so many questions.  I can list off the reasons why I know this is my calling.  But the list of how's is even longer.  How will Bernie and I ever be of one mind?  How do I wait?  How long will I have to wait?  How will I know when it is time?  How will it start?  How should I approach it?  How can I prepare?  How will we afford it?  How do I stay passionate for the long haul?  How do I overcome the doubts?  How do I cling to a vision that is not concrete?

Mary's words echo through my mind as I wait and wonder, "But how will this be?"

God of all passions, gifts, and dreams
God of my specific calling
Misunderstood God
God of Mystery
I don't want to question or doubt or undermine You
Lord I believe, help me overcome my unbelief

Not Doing Anything

I know you said you're 'not doing anything', but when I look at you that is not what I see.  Maybe you didn't imagine yourself here, but I see you stepping up to the challenge.  Maybe days feel repetitive and boring, but I see you choosing to smile and engage with your son.  Maybe you feel impatient, but I see you gently redirecting his energy.  Maybe you feel lonely, but I see you taking courageous steps to connect.  Maybe you are scared, but I see your overflowing gratitude that he is healthy.  Maybe you cry at times, but I hear the joy in your voice as you describe his accomplishments.  Maybe you are uncertain of the future, but I see that you are sure of your love for him.

Your son is blessed to have a mama who is deliberately growing as she raises him.  You may not feel like you are doing anything, but you are being his everything and that is exactly what he needs.

Emmanuel

Will You speak to me?  Will you poke holes in the veil that divides my little human bits from your vast divine expanse?  I can sense that You are just right there.  But I want more of You.  Let me see what You see, if only for a moment, and I will cling to those truths.  Let me hear Your words, and I will carry them around with me.  Enter my day, Jesus.  Be my tangible Emmanuel.

Deepest Longing

It's happening.  My deepest longing is becoming Him.  These months of practicing adoration have initiated a shift.  No longer am I deciding to proclaim verses over and over, knowing in my head that they are true.  Subtly, their truth is taking root and sprout the beginning of something beautiful and personal and meaningful.  Relationship.  Desire.  Moments of peace sneak in and I want to be with Him.  Moments of chaos pummel me and I glance up and cling to Him.  Moments of wonder or joy or fear or pain are all breeding the reflex of gripping His hand tighter.

It feels like I'm just emerging into this new life.  Just being born of God.  Which, might be a bit ridiculous, or might be a entirely incredible.  But I will take it for all it's worth, knowing that it is a gift.

Stay

I just want to stay right here
Clinging to this thing I feel
Your love shines on my heav'n-turned face
My heart warms basking in Your grace
I'm all aglow and I have nowhere to go
I just want to stay right here
Clinging to this thing I -- CRASH