At the crossroads of "do not bear a grudge" and "rebuke your neighbour frankly" and "do not hate" and "love your neighbour" there must be room for lovingly confronting someone who has wronged me in hopes of reconciliation and a better relationship moving forward.
Right?
Take 1
Dear _____,
Damn it!! Why don't you ever answer me? Why don't you even try? Do I have to do everything? This sucks as bad as it did when you did it to me the first time.
Take 2
Dear _____,
Why don't you ever make any effort ? I'm bending over backwards here to make sure you are not offended or upset or hurt or belittled. Plus I'm proactively reaching out in multiple ways. I want this relationship to work. I'm initiating by phone, by invites, by offers, by cards, by gifts, by emails - anything so we have something to talk about. But you never reciprocate. And I don't even know you anymore, because you never try. Do you even see what I'm doing? Do you care? It feels pretty shitty to be trying and be shut down. Now I remember why I pulled away in the first place. It hurts, this thing you're doing. Or not doing. It hurts and I'm angry that I let you keep doing it to me.
Dear _____,
As I pray for you and work on my attitude, tone, and words when we are together, I am noticing that I am repeatedly coming up against a hurdle. I know you mentioned in an email that you have assumed that I did not like you. While that has not been the case, I realize that I began pulling back from you years ago and as I now work towards repairing our relationship, I am experiencing the same hurts that caused me to distance myself in the first place. In order for us to move forward, I feel I would need to talk to you about this. If that is something you are willing to do, maybe we could go for a walk one evening once the kids are in bed.
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