Pardon My French

L had his damn breakfast taken away after throwing damn Cheerios all over the damn floor (again) this morning.  He was quite angry and never recovered.  That set the damn tone for the damn morning.

E spilled his cereal four times.
N cried because he couldn't have a car at the table.
L cried because he wasn't eating breakfast anymore.
N & E fought about which one of them could sing at the table.
L cried because I didn't pick him up while mixing a cake.
N & E fought about which car L could have. (L didn't want any cars.)
L got mad that I was trying to read him books and he hucked them across the room.
L cried because I left him alone in the living room.
N & E fought about cars.
N & E got mad at L for stealing their cars.
L cried because he couldn't have their cars.
N & E complained because I split them up to play alone for a while.

Silence.

L cried that he couldn't go into the bedrooms N & E were playing in.
L cried that I didn't pick him up while taking the cake out of the oven.
I burned my arm taking the cake out of the oven.
We all went outside.
E cried because he couldn't have N's car.
N got mad because L kept sucking on his car.
N got mad because E kept wrecking his Hot Wheels track.
I went and hid.

Silence.

They found me.
N had a tantrum because I didn't feel like pushing him on the swing.
E pooped in his underwear.
L put his hand into the poopy toilet bowl.
L cried because I put him outside the bathroom and closed the door.
N complained because he was hungry.
L cried because I didn't pick him up while I made lunch.
L cried because I put him in his room and closed the door so I could make lunch.
L cried because I put him in his booster seat to eat lunch.
I ate cake out of the pan with a spoon.
N complained that he didn't want to eat.
E complained that he wanted more to eat.
L cried because I was putting him to sleep.
I cursed because L's diaper split and exploded weird diaper molecules all over his carpet.
L cried because I had to clean them up.
L cried because I was putting him to sleep again.

Silence.

The moment I watched L transition to the slow breaths of sleep, I ran to Jesus.  My first words were "I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over my own yelling, Jesus."  He heard me and met my need immediately with his comfort and strength.  We lay there for at least 14 seconds, Lachlan, Jesus, and me.

E screamed because N - actually, I don't even know why.
L woke up and cried.
L cried because I left him in his room to deal with E.
E cried because I took him to the bathroom.
E cried because he couldn't carry two stuffies and a blanket up the ladder into his bunk.
N complained because I was cutting lunch time short to put them to bed.
L cried because he was still not sleeping.
L cried because I was putting him to sleep again.

Silence.

It was 12:01pm.