Jive

The calculated response to so many needs is worked out in my head.  The tools to deal with triggers and tantrums are at the ready.  The knowledge of what my kids require of me is at the forefront of my mind.  Armed with patience and compassion, I face the day with confidence.

But do they see it?  Would my kids call me patient?  compassionate?  understanding?  gracious?  gentle?  Do they feel these in my touches?  Do they hear them in my words?  Do they see them on my face?  Do they sense them in my presence?

These are the attributes I see in other parents and admire.  The characteristics I strive to exude in everyday parenting.  The ideals I fiercely cling to when their opposites appear in myself or others.

Every so often I meet a parent on either extreme - a stunning example of what I want to be or a glaring example of what I want to avoid.  And either way I am humbled.  I worry that I am not living up to these ideals I have worked out in my head; the ones I know are what my kids need and deserve.  Or that they are just in my head and my actions don't jive with what I'm striving for.  Maybe, despite what I think is right, I don't look that different than that parent that I really don't want to be.  What if they didn't even notice that I approach my kids differently than they do?  If they didn't notice, then how could my kids notice?  If my kids don't notice, then clearly I am not pulling off what I am hoping to pull off.  Everyday.  In every little way.

To adjust my actions so that they jive with my heart, today I will:
- kneel down when I am speaking to them
- not roll my eyes
- honour them in the stories I tell
- use the gentle tone I require of them